Butt, Bottom, Behind… Am I old fashioned?
So, today I tried talking to Daddy about the word “Butt”… the girls use that word pretty freely. Their Gma T calls them “Monkey Butts”, they call each other “Silly Butts”… I personally don’t like either of these. Then again, I didn’t grow up using that word. When I was a kid, calling anyone a “Butt” of any kind got you detention or a grounding.. It wasn’t a word you just threw around. It was a “nasty” word, I guess you could say..
Anyway, I told Daddy that I thought we should curb the use of the word “Butt”… and then he tells me that he didn’t find it offensive. He thought that other words for the same thing were just as confusing, or have derogatory connotations. He didn’t think they could call people a “Butt” or something where “Butt” is the first word, like “Butt head”, but calling the girls “Monkey Butts” wasn’t a big deal. After all, they wouldn’t remember it later on as they grew up anyway. I beg to differ on that statement. They will most certainly remember being called a “Monkey Butt”.
I seriously do not like them using that word, and tonight, when Gma T came over for dinner, I heard it over and over and over. Even the girls got in on the name calling and called her the same thing… I cringed every time I heard it… I’ve kept quiet since he said his piece, as I didn’t want to start yet another riot in my house over something so small… but I’m annoyed like crazy that there wasn’t even a mention to her or the girls about cooling it with that word…
Someone please tell me I’m not crazy, or just old fashioned…Well as old fashioned as I can be at 29… I just don’t want my girls to keep that word in their vocabulary and I end up getting a call from the principal’s office some day. Would you seriously not worry about it, and let a couple of almost 3 year olds run about calling each other a “Butt” all in fun? or would you curb it quickly? What do you call that part of the body?
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As parents, it’s up to you to choose freedoms and limitations. But keep in mind, those boundaries can have affect the development of the child.
Take me, for example. My parents kinda screwed me up—and living a sheltered life tends to do that. It’s very hard, as a person, to adjust in a real world after the mistakes a parent makes in raising a child. Now, I’ve never smoked, never drink, never done drugs and never had sex before reaching 18, so I guess I turned out to be the “model child” every parent wishes to have, but it came at a cost… I won’t go into the details, but it affected my academic, social and personal life well after I was 18.
Now, as for the word “butt,” I would say this: If it makes you uncomfortable, make it taboo when the kids are in your presence. I get the feeling hearing the word “Monkey Butt” makes you more uncomfortable than the thought of someone saying “Monkey Butt,” so what you don’t hear won’t kill you
Explain to your girls that Mommy doesn’t like hearing the word “butt” and politely ask them not to use it around you. It will take a LOT of persistence, and you WILL have to tell them over and over again because they’ve grown comfortable with the phrase, but enforce the rule. This will teach your girls to be considerate, while allowing them the freedoms to judge what they feel comfortable saying. You may just find that they stop saying it altogether, and who knows, maybe they’ll ask Grandma to stop saying it too
(Also, keep in mind, I’m not a parent. I’m a 21 year old kid who will probably never have children after practically raising my little bros because my parents slacked. Take my advice with a grain of salt, even if I think it’s worth something.)
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Hmm this could pose to be a problem if both parents don’t (or won’t) agree to a certain form of action. He sees nothing wrong with it, you on the other hand do. Personally, I don’t find the word ‘butt’ offensive, but I do wonder that if it’s acceptable at 2, then would “ass” be acceptable at 4?
Your MIL on the other hand needs to grow the hell up. grandparents prefer words like ‘angel’ “sweetheart’ etc. not “monkey butt”! However, if she thinks she’s being “cool” then sadly she isn’t. She should be asked if she’d like her 14 year old granddaughter saying “Hey Monkey Butt” to her when she’s surrounded by her friends.
Bottom line, you’re their mother, you raise them (a lot more than their father… sorry R) and if it makes you uncomfortable, then do something about it. Daddy needs to go along with you on this one. it’s not about you versus MIL… it’s about the girls (betterment). Tell him that… end of story!
I think Anne poses an interesting point. Maybe age-appropration should be taken into account. Saying something like “When you turn seven, you can say butt all you want, but while you’re two, you can’t” might be more appropriate than what I suggested above (I forget they’re just two sometimes, they come off as so smart in your blog entries that in my mind they’re like seven years old).
I do disagree with the “you raise them more, you should have more say” comment though. Keeping in mind that I’m not a parent, I do feel that each parent should have equal say in the raising of a child. If women can go after men for child support when the men flake out on a marriage, I think the men should have just as much support in a marriage when it comes to raising a child. It needs to be equal down the line, and that means Mommy and Daddy compromising occasionally on boundaries, freedoms, privileges and punishments. No one person should ever have more power over the other.
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@Matthew & Anne..
You both pose some very interesting points.. and I appreciate any feedback, from a parent or one who is not…
Matthew.. you are correct that hearing the word is what gets me rather than the idea of them using it… but then again.. if they use it… they could get in trouble.. I dunno.. Like I said… when I was in school, that word got you detention. I lived a super sheltered life too… so I can somewhat understand where you’re coming from… I don’t know how it affected you.. but I sometimes feel i missed out… I’ve never done drugs, or smoked… I have drank.. but only socially, and once I had the girls, it’s been like a glass of wine every now and then…
Anne.. i totally agree with your comment about the age appropriateness… I am slowly hearing things every now and again come out of their mouths that I wonder if they should know yet… I won’t say I’m not guilty for teaching them a couple of my “choice” words… tho not on purpose.. and I am seriously watching my words in front of them… Hearing a 2yo say “Shit” is not cool.. and a definite wake up call for watching the language…
Matthew… I sometimes forget that they’re only 2 also.. well, almost 3, but still… I feel like they’re going on 7 too… UGH.. I hope this isn’t foretelling what they’re going to be like in 4 years… We’re in for it..
When I said “raise them more” I meant she is more responsible for their actions, since she’s with them more than their dad. She gets to teach them more, observe them more, and above all knows them better. It then becomes the job of the parent who is not around much to give support.
My husband and I disagree on a lot of things regarding the kids, but the bottom line is, that if he feels I should let up on something, he has to take into account that he is less likely to witness them doing said thing.
And example: My son is very stubborn, if he knows he’s in trouble he stands stock still, glares and refuses to budge however nicely you call him. So I ignored him when he did that, which one day my husband said was not the way to go. He thought a time out would be appropriate… I disagreed. Bu the did it anyway. The result? Our 3 yr old was sent to time out… he stood there glaring at his father and when his time was up he refused to move. Nothing DH could say brought him out of there. It became a battle. LOL
Just an example of how the parent at home knows the kids a little better… it has nothing to do with whether that parent is the mother or father.
I don’t like the word “butt,” either. It just sounds so crass. My mom had a “When you’re 18, you can cuss like a sailor” policy. I’m 19 now, and I still don’t cuss — curse words just never made it into my vocabulary, I guess!
Personally, I don’t think butt is a big deal AS LONG AS it isn’t being used as a name. If someone says they fell on their butt or come wipe my butt (which I hear all day long!) then that’s fine. I think butt is probably the normal word for your butt.
I’m not big on any kind of name calling though. I’d just tell them that their butt is a body part, not a word to call someone. And would your husband be okay with Gma calling them Monkey P*nis? Probably not.
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found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later .. Btta5200